楼主:华面诊 时间:2019年07月22日 01:03:46 点击:0 回复:0
Ghosts by Daylight: A Memoir of War and Love.《白日梦魇:追忆战争和爱情》 Janine dI Giovanni and Bruno Girodon were war reporters who met and fell in love in Sarajevo in 1993, just as the city was settling into the siege that would last nearly four years. It would be the longest siege of a capital city in the history of modern warfare. Emotional battles and how to survive them are the principal themes of Ms di Giovanni's beautifully written memoir about the pain of adjusting to normal life after being exposed to the intensity of battle. Janine dI Giovanni和Bruno Girodon都是战地记者,1993年他们在萨拉热窝相识相恋,此时这座城市刚刚陷入长达近四年的围攻之中。在现代战争史上,对首都城市发起的围攻此为最长。在回忆录中,di Giovanni女士以出色的笔触描述了其经历过激烈战争之后,为适应正常生活所经历的种种痛苦。而情感交困,以及如何战胜这种交困成为了本书的主题。 As journalists, the war part was easy. When they met both were involved with other people whom they swore they loved, but kept leaving out of fear of being confined. American-born Ms di Giovanni, who rose to become senior foreign correspondent for the Times, and the slender, flirtatious Mr Girodon, a French television cameraman, would meet up for trysts in foreign cities, never quite certain where, when or even if they would see each other again. From Sarajevo to Stuttgart, where they booked into a small wooden hotel and slept squished together in a twin bed, the encounters were as intense as they were brief. 作为记者,di Giovanni女士对战争部分的描写信手拈来。他们相遇时,彼此身边都有相爱的人,然而害怕自己会受情所困,却又因此不断逃离。di Giovanni女士出生在美国,当时已荣升为《泰晤士报》的高级驻外记者,而瘦削轻浮的男主角Girodon先生是法国电视台的一名摄影记者。两人在异国城市里相遇幽会,永远不清楚下一次见面将在何时何地,甚至能不能再见面都不得而知。从萨拉热窝到斯图加特,每一次相聚都短暂而激烈。在斯图加特,他们定了一间小木屋旅馆,共眠于一张咯吱作响的单人床。 There were endless phone calls and much of what the French call malentendu. Mr Girodon would go off saying he wanted to be alone, and then track her down in Mogadishu or Grozny. There were frenzied meetings in Dakar and Tora Bora and a night in Jalalabad when they split up and she cried into the small hours. After that they did not speak for a while. Ms di Giovanni went to Africa to forget him. But one night in Mogadishu, amid the gunfire, her satellite telephone rang. It was Mr Girodon at Kigali airport, recently returned from the death spots of Rwanda. "Let's have a baby," he said. "Let's get married" 彼此间电话持续不断,然而大多数通话是法语所说的“malentendu(误解)”。Girodon抽身离开时说自己想独处,却又追寻着di Giovanni的脚步来到加迪沙(Mogadishu,非洲索马里首都))或是格罗兹尼(Grozny,车臣首府)。他们在达喀尔(Dakar,塞内加尔首都)和托拉拉(Tora Bora,巴基斯坦边境小镇)的会面堪称疯狂,之后有一天夜里在贾拉拉巴德(Jalalabad,阿富汗城市),面对分手,她痛哭至深夜。在那之后的一段时间,他们不再联系。di Giovanni为了忘却他去了非洲,但是有一天晚上在加迪沙,炮火中,她的卫星电话响了。Girodon在基加利机场(Kigali,卢旺达的首都),他刚从卢旺达的死亡线上回来。他说,“我们生个孩子吧!我们结婚吧!” /201108/147270Obama's election voted top news story of 2008The epic election that made Barack Obama the first African-American president was the top news story of 2008 — followed closely by the economic meltdown that will test his leadership, according to US editors and news directors voting in The Associated Press' annual poll.The campaign, with subplots emerging throughout the year, received 100 first-place votes out of 155 ballots cast for the top 10 stories. Two other political sagas — the history-making candidacies of Hillary Rodham Clinton and Sarah Palin — also made the list.The vast economic crisis, plunging the US into recession and ravaging many business sectors worldwide, was the No. 2 story, receiving 49 first-place votes. The precipitous rise and fall of oil prices was No. 3.The top story of 2007 was the massacre of 32 people at Virginia Tech University by a mentally disturbed student gunman.Here are 2008's top 10 stories, as voted by AP members:_1. US ELECTION: Obama emerged from Election Night as a decisive victor and a symbol for the world of America's democratic promise._2. ECONOMIC MELTDOWN: It was the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, and will cost the federal government well over trillion in various rescue and stimulus packages._3. OIL PRICES: The price of crude soared as high as 0 a barrel in July before crashing to this month. In the U.S., the average price for a gallon of regular gas peaked at .11, then plunged below .70._4. IRAQ: The much-debated "surge" of US troops helped reduce violence after more than five years of war, but Iraq is still buffeted daily by bombings, ambushes, kidnappings and political uncertainty. A newly ratified U.S.-Iraqi security agreement sets a timetable for U.S. troop withdrawal by 2012._5. BEIJING OLYMPICS: China hosted the Olympics for first time, drawing praise for logistical mastery. The games themselves were rated a success, highlighted by the record-shattering performances of swimmer Michael Phelps and sprinter Usain Bolt._6. CHINESE EARTHQUAKE: A huge quake in May killed 70,000 people in Sichuan province._7. SARAH PALIN: Few Americans outside Alaska knew much about its governor when Republican John McCain picked her as his running mate._8. MUMBAI TERRORISM: Ten attackers allegedly sponsored by a Pakistan-based Islamic group terrorized India's financial capital in November, killing 164 people in coordinated attacks on hotels, markets and a train station.._9. HILLARY CLINTON: She didn't win, but Clinton came closer than any other woman in US history to becoming a major party's presidential nominee._10. RUSSIA-GEORGIA WAR: The two nations waged a five-day war in August ignited by a Georgian artillery barrage on the breakaway region of South. /200812/59534You walk past them one day and they smile at you and suddenly you are walking the same way every day, just to see that smile again. They slowly approach moving closer to you and giving you a little more insight each day about who they are. They have an air of confidence but a shy demeanor. Finally they say hi and you practically drop to your knees with excitement.This is how a manipulator starts. They usually come into your lives slowly as they you and figure out your body language, likes and dislikes and even your wardrobe. I was told once that the wisest person in the room was the one who wasn't saying anything, they were listening to everything that was going on. I realized when I became that quiet person, it wasn't just the listening that they were doing. We study you and capture every moment until you become the target. We follow and know every move you make. Then we move in for the kill, get what we want and leave.So how do you know who we are? Here is a not-so-simple list of things that you can watch for. 1. Attitude Not so simple to see if you are aly hooked, but you can spot it in people. Most of the time you know when people are giving you attitude but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about how they carry themselves and it isn't an attitude that makes you step back and decide to get defensive. They have perfected what they need to send off as their attitude to make you think you should approach them or allow them to approach you. If you look closely though there is a fine line between who they really are and who they have perfected for you. Trust your first instinct because your subconscious mind may be seeing more than you do. Keep your guard up and watch for theirs to fall occasionally. 2.Too Good To Be True Like everyone says, amp;;if it's too good to be true.amp;; They are right. If they have too much in common with you be very leery, they have probably studied enough to know about things you may like and can bullshit their way through it. We, I mean they, are really good at that. The perfect sales people. Some of them can you in a split second. 3.Saving the World If someone swoops in when they see you are down, they could be a good friend, or they may have just been waiting for the opportunity to sweep you off your feet and save the world. I have a lot of friends that swoop in when I need them, but I can always tell when someone is trying to take advantage of a situation. I guess it is intuition again and hard to explain. But they want to make your world perfect and be your savior. They will constantly be a shoulder to cry on and when the time is right they will pull you in. 4.Overly Reasonable When they seem perfect and want to be over reasonable about things, like you spending time with your friends, usually there is a hook later. Once you think that they are perfect and you are hooked, they will start cutting you off from the people who love you. It may be a slow process of one friend at a time or one place, like your favorite bar, at a time. Know who your real friends are before you start relying on a new person who says you shouldn't listen to them. Stay on your toes and be watchful of someone who slowly tells you that other people are taking advantage of you.I have a daughter that doesn't quit seem to get it when people tell her to pay attention to things. She doesn't seem to catch on when people try to tell her what other people might be doing to her. I have to sit down and give her a list and then point things out after they happen. That is not uncommon because she is still kind of young but I worry about what is going to happen when I am not there? Who is going to tell her that she is being manipulated? If I could just teach her to be on her toes and watch for these signs then maybe she will learn. Having a watchful eye and knowing what to look for helps, but some manipulators are very good and they know what you will be looking for. Also, some people who act like this may truly be good people and you don't want to let them go. How do you know which they are? You have to watch and trust your own judgment two things that are very hard to do when someone is flattering you and saving your world. 你和他们擦身而过,他们对你报以微笑,忽然之间你习惯了每天走那条路,只为了能再次见到那个微笑。慢慢地,他们走近了你,让你能够对他们有进一步的了解。他们对你打招呼让后你终于兴奋得拜倒在他们脚下。 这就是一个操纵者是如何开始的。他们经常会走进你的生活,读懂你,理解你的肢体语言、喜欢的、不喜欢的,甚至你的全部装。曾经有人告诉我一屋子人中,最聪明的那个是什么都不说的人,他们只是聆听、观察正在发生的一切。当我变成那个安静的人之后,我才知道他们并不仅仅是在听。我们分析你、了解你,捕捉你的每个瞬间直到你成为我们的目标。我们跟随你并且了解你所做的每一格动作,然后拿走我们想要的离开。 那你要怎样知道我们是谁呢?这里有一个并不简单的条目你可以参考。 1.态度 要想清楚你是否成为目标并不容易,但是你可以在人群中发现这个。许多时候当有人给你摆架子的时候你会发现,但是这个并不是我想谈的。我要谈的是他们怎样会有怎样的举止和态度,以至于不让你害怕并产生戒备心理。他们力求使自己的态度完美一边你会接近他们或者允许他们接近你。你是否还是看起来容易接近即使他们的举动和真实身份之间有明显的区别。相信自己的第一感觉,因为你的潜意识看到的比你了解得更多。竖起防备,小心不经意间陷入。 2.好得让人难以置信 想大家说得那样,太好就让人难以置信。他们是对的。是否他们和你有太多共同的地方,这样太狡猾了,他们大概已经深入地了解你所喜欢的事情,故而他们可以顺利地实现自己的计划,我们,也就是“他们”,是非常精通这些的。太过完美经常会出卖人,他们中的一些人在看到你的瞬间就能看懂你。 3.拯救世界 如果有人看到你倒了就冲过来,他们可以是一个好朋友,又或者他们他们只是在等候这个机会把你打倒,拯救世界。我与许多朋友,他们总是在我需要的时候出现,但是我经常会分辨出党有人是在利用这个条件。我想这就是直觉吧,难以解释。但是他们想让你的世界变得完美,成为你的救世主。在你想哭的时候,他们总是会给你一个肩膀,然后再合适的时候,把你拥入怀抱。 4.过度的合理 当他们看起来完美无缺并且想要让事情看起来无可挑剔,就像你和朋友相处一样,但是通常之后会有一个陷阱。一旦你发祥他们太过完美并且你上圈套时,他们就会把切断你和关心你的人的联系。It may be a slow process of one friend at a time or one place,像你最喜欢的酒吧,at a time.在你决定依靠一个陌生人who says you shouldn't listen to them的时候,先搞清楚谁是你真正的朋友。当有人告诉你别人是在利用你的时候,冷静下来并且认真观察他的言行。 我的女儿,她总是在别人告诉她留心一些事情的收获满不在乎。当别人试着告诉她有些人会对她做一些事情的时候,她看起来无法理解。我不得不静下来给她列一个清单,然后在事情发生之后给她指出来。这并不稀奇因为她毕竟还是个孩子。但是我担心如果我不在了会发生些什么?在她被控制的时候谁去告诉她?如果我告诉她冷静地观察这些讯息,也许她就会了解。一定要有一双洞悉的眼睛,知道向谁求助,但是有些非常专业的操作者他们知道你在寻找什么。而且,一些有这些做法的人,他们真的是好人,那你可不要让他走开。那你怎么知道他是好是坏呢?你就要认真地观察并且坚信自己的判断。但是当有人奉承你并且可以拯救你的时候,这就很难办到了。 /200809/47427Petrochina Soars, But How Big Is It?PetroChina Co., the main oil and gas producer in China, became the world's biggest company in the course of a few hours of trading yesterday. Or did it?中国主要石油和天然气生产商中国石油天然气股份有限公司(Petrochina Co., 简称:中国石油)在周一几个小时的交易时间内成为了全球最大的公司。但是,它真的名副其实吗?PetroChina's stunning debut on the Shanghai Stock Exchange again demonstrated the force of China's bull market, which has more than doubled its benchmark stock index so far this year. The company, which also lists shares in Hong Kong and American depositary shares in New York, saw its Shanghai share price more than double on its first day of trading after it raised .9 billion in its first share sale in mainland China. By some measures, PetroChina could now be valued at more than trillion, which would make it by far the world's largest company by market capitalization.中国石油在上海券交易所首日上市令人震惊的表现再次显示了中国牛市的力量,今年以来中国股市已经上涨了一倍多。中国石油A股在首个交易日就上涨了一倍多,此前它在中国大陆共筹得89亿美元。按一些标准来衡量,中国石油的估值超过了1万亿美元,使它成为全球市值最大的公司。中国石油还分别在香港及纽约交所上市交易。Yet the soaring valuations put on PetroChina and other Chinese-listed companies seem to say more about the problems and idiosyncrasies of China's market than the performance of the companies themselves.不过,中国石油及其他在中国上市的公司估值的飙升似乎更多体现的是中国股市的问题和特征,而非上市公司本身的表现。In fact, it is very difficult to determine the real value of Chinese government-controlled companies like PetroChina or Industrial amp; Commercial Bank of China Ltd., a state-controlled lender that is the largest financial institution by some measures of market capitalization. They have complicated corporate structures that keep most of their shares locked up in government hands, with the few that are publicly traded sp across different markets. The scarcity can drive up prices. And the problem is compounded by China's capital controls, which can cause domestic prices to differ greatly from those on other markets.事实上,很难对像中国石油和中国工商(Industrial amp; Commercial Bank of China Ltd.)这种由中国政府控股的公司进行准确的估值。这些企业拥有复杂的公司架构,它们大部分的股份控制在政府手中,少数公开交易的股份散落在不同的市场中。这种股份的稀缺性也会推高股价。中国对资本的控制使这个问题更加突出,因为这种做法导致中国上市公司的股价在国内市场与其他市场之间产生了巨大差距。按某些标准计算,中国工商是全球市值最大的金融机构。PetroChina, for example, sold a mere 2.2% of its share capital to domestic investors in its Shanghai initial public offering. When those shares made their debut on the exchange yesterday, their price rocketed to a close of 43.96 yuan (US.90) each, from the IPO price of 16.70 yuan.以中国石油为例,该公司在上海的首次公开募股(IPO)仅向国内投资者出售了2.2%的股份。在周一首个交易日中,中国石油A股股价开盘大幅走高,最终收于每股人民币43.96元(约合5.90美元),其IPO价格为16.70元。Applying that price to all of PetroChina's outstanding shares would give the company a market capitalization of around .08 trillion, twice that of industry giant Exxon Mobil Corp., the company that, at least before yesterday, had the highest market value in the world, at around 8 billion. But if you apply the price of PetroChina's Hong Kong-listed shares -- HK (US.32) each, as of yesterday's close -- to all PetroChina's outstanding shares, then the company is valued at closer to 4 billion. The valuation of PetroChina's American depositary shares is close to the Hong Kong shares. Yet about 86% of PetroChina's shares are held by its state-owned parent and don't trade on any exchange, and it is hard to know what price they would fetch if all of them were actually to come to market.如果中国石油全部已发行股都按这一价格计算,那么它的市值将达到1.08万亿美元,几乎是行业巨头埃克森美孚(Exxon Mobil Corp.)的两倍。至少在上个交易日,埃克森美孚仍以4,880亿美元的市值坐在全球市值最大公司的宝座上。如果中国石油全部已发行股用H股价格(周一收于18港元)计算,它的市值接近4,240亿美元。中国石油的美国存托股票估值与H股接近。然而,中国石油大约86%股份仍在其国有母公司的手中,且不公开交易。一旦有一天真的全部公开交易,也很难预知它们的定价。'This does not mean that PetroChina is bigger than Exxon Mobil,' says Zhou Chunsheng, a professor of finance at Cheung Kong Graduate School of Business in Beijing. 'We cannot compare them based on stock prices, because their stock prices are obtained from different markets.' By law, Chinese investors can't invest significantly outside of China, and foreign investors are allowed to invest only tiny amounts in Chinese stocks known as Class A shares. That means prices reflect high demand from local investors with few other investment options.长江商学院(Cheung Kong Graduate School of Business)金融学教授周春生表示,这并不意味着中国石油比埃克森美孚大。由于两家公司的股价来自不同的市场,因此不应该用股价来对两家公司进行简单比较。根据中国的法律,中国国内投资者对外投资选择非常有限,而外国投资者也只能对少量A股进行投资。这也就意味着中国股市价格反映的是中国国内投资者在投资渠道有限的情况下高涨的投资需求。Given that uncertainty, another way of valuing the company would be to apply prices only to what investors can actually buy and sell -- the so-called free float. The total value of PetroChina's publicly traded shares is about .5 billion. That's still large, but nowhere close to Exxon Mobil.鉴于这种不确定因素,或许可以采用另一个方法来对其估值:仅计算投资者能够买卖的股份──也就是所谓的流通股。中国石油公开交易股份的总价值为725亿美元。虽然这个数字也很大,但不过是埃克森美孚市值的一个零头。It is far from clear that PetroChina's business deserves to be valued higher than its U.S. rival. PetroChina's Class A shares are trading around 50 times this year's forecast earnings, compared with 20 times earnings for its Hong Kong-listed stock. That compares with an average of 10 times forecast earnings for big oil companies listed internationally.中国石油的业务是否有理由获得比其美国竞争对手更高的估价也很不好说。中国石油A股基于今年预期收益的市盈率约为50倍,而中国石油H股的市盈率约为20倍。而在国际股市交易的大型石油公司基于预期收益的市盈率平均为10倍。Exxon Mobil is also significantly bigger than PetroChina. PetroChina produced 1.06 billion barrels of oil equivalent last year, compared with Exxon Mobil's 1.56 billion. Exxon Mobil reported revenue in 2006 of 5.5 billion and earned a net profit of .5 billion. PetroChina's 2006 revenue was .9 billion and net profit was billion.埃克森美孚实际规模也比中国石油要大很多。去年中国石油的产量为10.6亿桶油当量,而埃克森美孚为15.6亿桶油当量。2006年,埃克森美孚的收入为3,655亿美元,净利润为395亿美元;中国石油2006年收入为919亿美元,净利润为190亿美元。Of course, the stock market values companies more on what they will produce in the future than what they produced in the past, and PetroChina does seem to have strong growth prospects. The company projects its production will increase at 4% to 6% a year in the future, while most other major oil companies aren't expected to grow at all.当然,股市更多地是根据未来的业绩、而不是过去的表现来对公司进行估值的,中国石油的确拥有良好的增长前景。该公司预计今后的年产量增幅将达到4%至6%,而其它多数石油巨头预计都难以实现增长。That is because PetroChina, through acquisitions and better production and exploration techniques, has been able to find enough new oil and gas to continually increase its reserves even as it pumps more. Gordon Kwan, head of China energy for CLSA Asia Pacific Markets, is still bullish on the stock, arguing that PetroChina will benefit more than its overseas rivals from continued high oil prices.这是因为,即便是在其石油产量不断增加的情况下,中国石油也能通过收购和提高勘探开发技术获得足够的新油气资源,从而保持储量的继续增长。里昂券亚太区市场(CLSA Asia-Pacific Markets)中国能源研究部主管关荣乐(Gordon Kwan)仍看好该股。他认为中国石油从油价持续上涨中获得的好处要多于其海外竞争对手。Whatever its prospects, PetroChina is also benefiting from the overall enthusiasm of Chinese investors, whose unchecked eagerness to put money into stocks has drawn increasing official concern. The seemingly unstoppable rise of China's stock market has drawn worrisome comparisons to the bull markets in Japan and Taiwan in the 1980s, and to the U.S. technology bubble.不管前景如何,中国投资者目前的高涨热情无疑让中国石油受益匪浅,他们源源不断将资金投入到股市中的做法已经让政府部门越来越感到担忧。中国股市无休止的上涨让人们担心上世纪80年代日本和台湾牛市以及美国科技股泡沫破裂的一幕可能会重演。'It's very difficult, almost impossible, to predict bubbles. But what we can say is that based on historical examples, this kind of miracle is never sustainable,' said Zuo Xiaolei, chief economist for China Galaxy Securities in Beijing. 'Whether foreign investors believe in this or not is up to them.'中国券有限公司(China Galaxy Securities Co.)首席经济学家左小蕾表示,预测泡沫非常困难,几乎是不可能的。但我们可以说,根据历史情况看,这种奇迹从来都是不可持续的。海外投资者是否相信这点取决于他们自身。 /200808/46203

Chinese women want to change the shape of their faces, while men want straighter noses, a recent survey by the Beijing-based Horizon Research Consultancy Group has found.The survey polled nearly 1,600 people aged 18 and 55 from Shanghai, Tianjin and Shenzhen.The results were given on the independent polling company's website.Almost 33 percent of women wanted to improve the contours of their faces, the survey found. Eyelid surgery was second most popular at 29 percent. A face shaped like a goose egg and double eyelids were favorite, it showed.Fat removal from the stomach and waist ranked third, followed by liposuction of the legs. Nose sculpting came last among the top five most sought-after procedures for women.A Beijing-based cosmetic surgeon surnamed Huang said women wanted to look more Caucasian.They particularly wanted to look leggy, busty and skinny, he said.In comparison, men were less concerned about fat and only 7.5 percent would consider liposuction, the survey said.Nearly 45 percent of men said they wanted to straighten their noses to give them a more masculine look.Nearly 33 percent said they would consider double eyelid surgery, followed by cosmetic improvement of the teeth and face shaping.Many men did not want their partner to have breast implants, even though women did it to please them, cosmetic surgeon Huang said.There are about 1 million plastic surgery operations performed every year in China, according to official estimates. 北京零点调查咨询集团近日开展的一项调查发现,中国女性最希望改变自己的脸型,而男性则希望自己的鼻子更挺拔。该项调查在上海、天津、深圳开展,共有近1600人参加,年龄在18岁至55岁之间。调查结果已在零点调查公司的网站上公布。调查显示,近33%的女性希望自己的脸型有所改善;其次,29%的女性想做双眼皮手术。鹅蛋脸和双眼皮最受青睐。在女性最想做的五种整形术中,腰腹抽脂名列第三,然后是腿部抽脂,塑鼻整形位居最后。北京一位姓黄的美容师说,女性希望自己的外表更像白种人。他说,女性尤为希望自己双腿修长、胸部丰满、身材苗条。相反,男性对胖瘦并不那么在意,只有7.5%的人表示会考虑做抽脂手术。近45%的男性想把鼻子整得更挺拔,因为这样能让他们看起来更有男人味。近33%的人表示他们会考虑做双眼皮手术,其次是矫正牙齿和重塑脸型。黄整形师说,很多男性不希望他们的配偶隆胸,即使女性这样做是为了取悦他们。据官方统计数据,中国每年的整形手术数量达到约100万例。 /200803/30012

It's the new riddle of the Sphinx: “Why didn’t he call me back?” You have a great first date with a promising guy. You think it went well and expect to see him again… but then poof! He vanishes inexplicably. You sit around with your girlfriends and debate why he didn’t call you back. What happened in between “I’ll pick you up at 8pm” and “poof?” You speculate, you obsess, you rationalize, you justify. You want to know why. When your friends tell you, “It’s not you, it’s him,” you want to know if they’re trying to be nice or telling you the truth. “他为什么不给我打电话呢?”这可是一个难解之谜哦。他是个好小伙,你们俩的第一次约会也十分美满,你很想跟他继续交往下去,可是……他却“噗”的一声人间蒸发了,真是莫名其妙呀。你跟你的闺蜜们聚在一起,争论着他不给你打电话的原因——在他决定说出“八点钟我来接你”和“噗”的一下消失之间到底发生了什么事?你们想啊,猜啊,推理啊,判断啊,就是想把原因弄个明明白白。可是到最后,朋友们对你说“不是你的错,是他不好”的时候,你却不知道她们是在安慰你呢,还是说的实话。Guess what? There is someone who does know the truth about what really happened on your date. But it’s not you. It’s not your friends. And it’s certainly not your mother. It’s the guy you went out with. So I decided to ask him for you! In fact, I asked 1,000 “hims.” During the past ten years as a dating coach and matchmaker, I conducted “exit interviews” with 1,000 single guys to find out why you never heard from him again after a date, or after he flirted with you online or at a party. And I got some real answers. It turns out there are clear, consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then disappear. Sure, sometimes the issue is all his—who hasn’t gone out occasionally with a real jerk? But it turns out that many times we’re sending out signals we might not be aware of. And the good news is that most of these signals are easy to fine-tune.   你想不到吧,的确有人知道事件的真相,可是这个人不是你,不是你的朋友,当然也不是你的老妈,他就是另一个当事人——跟你约会的那个家伙;所以我决定替你亲自“审问”他。呃,事实上,我审问了1000个“他”;在过去的十年里,身为一个约会指导师兼红娘,我总共对1000名单身小伙作过“分手后的调查”,目的就是找出其中缘故——为什么他会在初次约会之后就杳无音信、为什么他在网上或者聚会上给你送了一吨“秋波”之后却没了人影儿。我查到了很多真相,在男人们先是热情如火、接着却偃旗息鼓的背后,确实存在着清晰且一致的理由。有时候的确是对方脑子进水了,那种约会中的“傻X”男人,女人们都或多或少遇到过;但另一些时候,是咱们自己没注意,给他发送出去的是错误的“信号”。令人欣慰的是,这些误会是很容易纠正过来的。Men essentially confessed that when they first meet you, they have several “female stereotypes” floating around in their mind. They quickly try to peg which stereotype you are and then look for evidence to back up their hunch. You know who you are deep down, but he doesn’t yet. So he will decide whether to call you again based on his perception of you, not the reality. In the early stage of dating, perception is reality. Here are three of the most common reasons men revealed why they aren’t calling women back (get the other 7 reasons - and what you can do about all of them - in my new book).  男士们都承认,在初次见面之前,他们早就在脑海中将女人分了几个类型,接着他们会迅速地将你归类,然后在约会中寻觅各种信息、信号,来明他们的预想。你了解自己,可他不了解啊,所以他就根据对你的印象、而不是你的“真我”来决定是否再次约你、跟你交往下去。在两人约会的初期,男人是把“直觉中的你”当做“真的你”来对待了。下面列出的是三个最常见的原因,导致了男人的急流勇退(其余七条以及应对措施,请参看拙著)。 /201012/120254

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